SingleStuff.com

A Better Way

For Singles To Meet Each Other
 

 

It's Broke,

So Fix It!!

 

    We’ve all heard the expression, “If it ain’t broke, don’t fix it.”  The other side of that coin must be, “If it’s broke, get it fixed....”  
  When it comes to dating, you have to remember, this is free enterprise at its best and worst.  Nobody has to choose you.  They have as much freedom of choice as you do, and that freedom may lead them to overlook you….even if that hurts your feelings.  They have someone in their mind they want to be with, and you (apparently) don’t happen to be that person.  So, what can you do?

They have a right to choose

...or not to choose!

  
 

Blame them!

 One choice is to blame “them”, all of those people who are not standing in line for a chance to meet you.  After all, they don’t know what they’re missing.  Sure you may be a little _______ (fill in what’s “broke”), but you have lots of other really neat qualities!  The bottom line is, if _______ is standing between you and a healthy and lasting romance, you may want to do everyone a favor, and fix it.   
  True, you can be a great person even with that  _______, but it is obviously stifling your romantic life.  True, it is a real shame people are so superficial, that they would make such a big issue over _______, but they do.  True, you have a right to go through life without changing _______, but don’t forget, they have a right to go through life without choosing you.....    
 

What’s “Broke”

 The problem with honesty, especially being honest about ourselves, is that it is not always as pleasant as the alternative!  It's one thing to glibly say "none of us are perfect" - it's quite another to list those imperfections....  
  A lot of people don’t want to date someone who lacks a particular level of education.  This may be because of the income potential typically associated with a college degree, or it may be because some people believe degreed people carry on a better conversation.  It really doesn’t matter, they have a right to choose who they want. 

Education

  
    So what should you do?  Obviously, you might decide to start taking some night classes.  Another option is to “create” a degree.  Not all education takes place in the classroom, but that education is the easiest to measure.  Honorary doctorates are given to people who have demonstrated their education outside of the traditional classroom.  While you may not be awarded a doctorate, you may demonstrate your real life education by publishing some articles or teaching others in an adult education class....show what you know!  
  Scan through the personals ads, and notice how many of them are “NS”.  Smoking can severely limit your options.  Of course, you can lie, and say you don’t smoke, hoping they will be so taken by you, they will simply accept the smoking when you finally tell the truth.  More likely, they will simply feel “taken”, and you will both be looking for replacement partners.  The obvious solution is to quit.  There are patches and programs everywhere you look, so add a little will power and get that problem out of the way

Smoking

  
 

Dancing

 There is probably no better way to meet people than dancing.  It seems like a real shame to let something so easy stand between you and meeting someone who is right for you....so...learn to dance.  Sure, you took lessons before and they didn’t work.  Take different lessons.  Different students learn differently, so you need to shop around to find  someone who teaches the way you learn.  Don’t believe you can’t dance, understand you have simply not been taught yet!  Or you may consider seeing if that person you have been keeping an eye on would like to teach you … kill two birds with one stone!  
  You may want to make sure that you remember why you wanted to learn to dance - to have some fun, meet new people, get some exercise....not necessarily to "hang out with dancers"!  Several people have suggested that we remind our members that while dancing can be a lot of fun, dance clubs tend to take a lot of time and become relatively exclusive...dance well enough to have fun, but you probably don't want to make it your focus.    
 

HWP

 Sensitive subject.  First the good news.  A lot of heavy people are in very happy relationships.  Now the bad news.  People are free to choose who they go out with, and thin to moderate weight is most often preferred.  Weight limits your options.   
  Crash diets are probably not healthy, and even if they were, they don’t maintain a stable weight.  The same thing applies to the fad diets.  Until a magic pill is invented, the only lasting solution is a healthy diet and regular exercise (owning exercise equipment that is only used as a clothes rack doesn't help as much as I had hoped!).    
    You might find that you not only appeal to more members of the opposite gender, it might help your self image as well.  Of course, the fact that gyms have become increasingly social places is just an added benefit!  
  If you really are a good deal, you may be wondering why no one has “snapped you up” yet.  The answer is probably pretty simple.  They don’t know about you.  They can’t fall in love with someone they’ve never met.  Shyness hides your many desirable qualities from the people who would love to meet you.

Shyness

  
    You might try going to a dance or happy hour with an outgoing friend.  Let them attract the crowd, and then perhaps you will get noticed.  An alternative is to join something like Toastmasters so that you will have an opportunity to develop your social and speaking skills in a less threatening environment.  
  Of course (here comes the commercial!!) you might also consider coming to a planned dinner or similar activity - you can try to just sit and listen, but most folks find themselves relaxing and "joining in".  Look for activities that will place you in a small group environment, but will not force you to participate until you are ready...    
 

Intolerance

 Of course I’m talking about other people, not you.  You would never suggest all Yankees are one way and all Southerners another, would you?  And what do you really know about those “Bible thumping Christians”, people who own guns, pro/anti abortionists, hunters, Republicans, Democrats, and vegetarians?  
  Can you disagree with someone and still respect them, or is everyone who is different from you wrong?  People are complex creatures, and anyone who believes a single characteristic can adequately describe an individual is missing out on a lot of the richness life offers.  It is good to take a stand against evil, but everything different from you is not necessarily evil …. sometimes it is just different.    
    I remember a long time ago, as I was taking a date home from dinner  I was treated to her lively description of a particular "kind" of people.  It seems they were stupid and intolerant.  They behaved in a stereotypically crude manner.  She knew all she needed to know about them, her opinion was formed.  
  She thought our relationship was going strong.  I realized it really didn’t have a future.  When I dropped her off, I knew I would not call her again. That way she wouldn’t have to find out she had been involved with “one of them.”    
    The only sensible way to hold an opinion is to first attempt to understand alternative perspectives.  All too often you will find that neither extreme is entirely correct, with the truth lying somewhere in between.  
  None of us are perfect.  To some extent, our “flaws” are what makes us unique, so we don’t want to be transformed into Barbie and Ken clones.

Conclusion

  
 

Making changes....

 On the other hand, you may have some characteristics that are keeping you from meeting the kind of folks you want to be dating.  You can accept your situation or change those characteristics.  
  If you decide to change, make it a lasting change.  What I mean is, if someone meets the new you, make sure they are meeting someone you want to continue being, otherwise you are playing “bait and switch”.  Don’t start smoking, put the weight back on, and start getting narrow minded just because you’ve met someone special.  Keep them around by being the desirable person they ever met...every day!

...lasting changes

  
  Articles and information appearing in SingleStuff.com simply represent our opinions.  We do not pretend to be counselors, psychologists, attorneys or other professionals, and any advice you read here should be taken from that perspective.  If you need legal, psychological, medical, or other professional services you should contact an appropriate professional.  
 

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  It can be tricky, trying to find your way around a website - so we figured that although this is not a very sophisticated approach, it is certainly easy!  This list appears near the bottom of each page, so you can always find what you want...  

About SingleStuff.com
 

Home

 Home, sweet home...  Learn about SingleStuff.com, find out about what we offer DFW Metroplex singles, and see how we are different from dating services....  
  SingleStuff.com helps people get involved in a lot of things, but we are best known for our dinners and similar activities - learn a little more about how they work.

Dinners

  
 

Sponsorships and Advertising

 You already know we don't have a membership fee, and the donations at events are too small to amount to much - this page tells you how we keep the website funded (along with contributions !).  
       
       

Articles
 

Dating Services, Matchmakers, and On-Line Alternatives

 We did a little research, and made a few observations.  Our opinions on some of the available ways for singles to meet people in the DFW Metroplex.....  
  We are convinced that there are a lot of really great single people, and meeting them eventually means dating.  The key is to be as safe as possible in the process...  This article takes a look at telephone privacy, e-mail security, and some things to think about when you finally meet "face to face".

Dating Safely

  
 

Intimacy

 Intimacy is a lot more than just sex - this article takes a look at the "Leave It To Beaver" television family to examine various forms of intimacy.  
  You should not make a bunch of compromises or changes in order to "catch a mate", that is dishonest to you and them.  On the other hand, if you were to be totally honest, there are some self improvement issues you have been avoiding that would make you happier with yourself - and more attractive to the opposite sex!

It's Broke, So Fix It!!

  
 

Church and Singles

  Exactly how does a single person choose a church - by how large the single's group is?  Will you really meet a "better" person at church?  We have some thoughts you may want to consider....  
  You're through licking you wounds from your last breakup, you date until you meet someone great, you go out a while until you discover they are not for you, you break up, and lick your wounds.  This takes too long, there has got to be a better way!

Date like You Aren't Going to Live forever

  
 

Finding The Perfect Partner, Having It All In Three Easy Steps

 Yeah, right!  Have you ever considered that some of the things you are looking for in your "perfect partner" are almost impossible to find in one person - we call them the "incompatibles".  Another thought - while you are running around looking for someone who probably does not exist, you are missing your chance to meet someone who does....  
  Is it possible that there are "professional singles" who are great at being single, but don't have what it takes to develop long term healthy relationships?  Is it possible that they need a constant supply of "fresh meat", naive singles?  Is it possible that some singles groups help make this system function?

Single Groundhogs and Their Predators

  
 

It's A Numbers Game...  But You Can Improve Your Odds

 Let's be realistic - finding the right person for a great relationship is a lot like looking for the proverbial "needle in a haystack" - and settling for less doesn't seem to make much sense either!  People with limited options tend to make bad choices, so let's look at some of the ways to improve your odds.  
  You know you've asked yourself that question - so, where are they?  Bear with us as we take a look at some pretty revealing statistics - then we explore what they mean to a single person looking for a relationship.

Where Are All Of The Good Ones?

  
  Articles and information appearing in SingleStuff.com simply represent our opinions.  We do not pretend to be counselors, psychologists, attorneys or other professionals, and any advice you read here should be taken from that perspective.  If you need legal, psychological, medical, or other professional services you should contact an appropriate professional.