SingleStuff.com

A Better Way

For Singles To Meet Each Other

 

 

Church

and

Singles

 

    This may be the most difficult topic on the entire website!  Why?  Well, to be quite honest, few things are as personal as your faith, and fewer topics more volatile than religion.  None the less, the majority of the folks reading this would say they believe in God, and the majority of those folks describe themselves as Christian.  They would also mention that they are single.  The question remains, how do these things fit together?  
  There are "Christian" dating services and matchmakers, and we have been asked if we are a Christian organization.  Let me try to answer....  If you were to ask twenty people if they are Christians, over 15 would probably answer "Yes".  Now, ask each of them about their personal beliefs....beliefs about abortion, capital punishment, drinking, pre-marital sex...you will not get identical answers....not even close.  Ask them what makes them a Christian.  You won't get the same answers to that question either.    
    Right or wrong, "Christian" does not mean the same thing to everyone.  SingleStuff events and activities are designed to be comfortable for most of the people who consider themselves Christian - but our Buddhist  and Jewish members are also comfortable, for the same reasons.  We endorse what has come to be known as "traditional values", something that crosses all religions.  
  We had initially considered having a sort of "Church Review", much like the restaurant reviews you are familiar with, describing churches from the single's perspective...but had no luck!  There were so many things to consider and weigh, and which things were important differed so much from person to person, that we decided (at least for now) to simply share some thoughts on things singles should consider when looking at attending a church....    
 

Why Go?

The most "legitimate" reason to attend church is to "find God" or to worship God.  Let's say that you chose to attend a particular church because it meets your spiritual needs and offers a place for you to make a positive difference.  You discover that the person sitting next to you is attending because he heard your single's class had a lot of "hot" women.  Is he there for "the right reason"?  
  One thing we are sure of - we believe folks have a right to make informed choices, and that carries with it an obligation to tell the truth.  If the hypothetical guy was not open regarding his agenda, if he tried to appear as if he held beliefs that he did not, in fact, hold, he flunks our test.  He is encouraging the women in the group to make a choice (to go out with him) that they may not make if they knew the truth.    
    But what about you?  You are there for "the right reasons" - does that mean you should not also want to meet someone?  What if there were two churches with identical beliefs, but one had a great single's program, and the other had, well, you.  The lone single.  Should you consider going to the other church?   
  Considering that most faiths encourage marriage between people holding similar beliefs, and recognizing that the chance of meeting someone with similar beliefs anywhere else may be relatively slim, we think it makes sense to give the other church group (the one with singles) a chance.    
    No church can be everything to everyone – some churches have fabulous programs and support services for young married folks, others have tuned themselves to the needs of an elderly congregation - why shouldn’t you choose a church that has done a better job of meeting your needs as a single person?  
  If it is appropriate to select a good singles church, the obvious question is, what makes a church good for singles?

Selecting Your Church

 
 

Singles are people

The first thing to remember is that "single" is your marital state, not who you are!  As mentioned previously, find a church that offers the many other things you might need as an individual.  If you have a desire to teach, find a church with open teaching positions or a good teacher development program.  If you need counseling, you should do some research to see which churches provide suitable counseling programs.  In short, don't forget that "single" is a small part of who you are.  
  First, are there other singles there?  If there aren't, there may be a good reason!  Perhaps the church takes a very dim view of divorced people - or the church may be extremely small, and not have any other singles - it doesn't matter, some churches are just not a good place for a single to meet other singles.

Other singles

 
 

Mingling

 There is a very large church in the Mid-Cities that has an amazing number of singles, and they offer a number of activities for their single members.  Sounds good, doesn't it?  Unfortunately, you are just as likely to meet someone at the movies!  Their classes offer little opportunity to interact with the people nearby, so you haven't much chance of meeting anyone.  They do have small groups that meet together in people's homes, but the process of figuring out which group fits your needs (single and otherwise) is "hit or miss" - you simply have to visit different groups until one finally clicks...   
  In stark contrast, a much smaller church in Mid-Cities encourages interaction in the classes - and although there are not as many people, you are far more likely to meet one of them!    
 

Connected

Continuing to use those same two churches as examples, in the larger church you get the feeling that it is directed by people you have no hope of affecting - they decide, you attend.  The smaller church was quick to respond to a telephone inquiry, and seemed eager to meet the needs of its members (and guests).  Your needs will change, and it would be nice to think that your church was open to new ideas and  could grow and change as you do…  
  Remember the example of the guy sitting next to you?  The one just there for the “hot ladies”.  Does he really exist?  You bet!

Church – Safe?

 
 

Being careful

Christian doesn’t mean the same thing to everyone – we’ve already talked about that.  A lot of people forget, however, that the people attending their church don’t always share the same beliefs either.  
  Sure, you know that the guy in the example doesn’t have the same beliefs, but what about the person up front there, the one making the class announcements?  People attend a particular church for many different reasons – and attending that church doesn’t mean that the member agrees with everything that is being preached.  Even those that believe what is being preached don’t necessarily live according to those beliefs.    
    This is not intended as a criticism of the church or the folks attending church – but it is a reminder that you need to be as cautious with the singles you meet at church as those you meet elsewhere…  
  “Keeping things bottled up inside” does not sound like a good thing.  Neither does being fully exposed to a bunch of strangers!  A church setting tends to make many of us feel more trusting, and generally speaking, that trust is probably well deserved.

 Let’s talk

 
    Unfortunately, church people are still just people, and not all of them will deserve your trust.  Before you share information that you would not want to have made public, ask yourself if the person you are talking to would be someone you would trust in any other setting…  
  While visiting the large singles group I had the opportunity to listen to an incredibly engaging speaker.  He held the group’s attention with his stories, and offered remarkably easy ways to solve many of the challenges facing singles, from loneliness to self confidence.  During the weeks he was teaching, the class grew.

Easy answers

 
    Weeks later I was chatting with a lady who had followed one of the teacher’s suggestions – with a disastrous outcome.  As a result of her experience she was about ready to give up on church altogether.  Easy answers from someone in church, like easy answers from a motivational speaker, need to be carefully evaluated, not followed blindly.   
  So, you have decided that even with all of your flaws (or, perhaps because of them!) you want to find a church that is right for you…what’s the first step?

Where To Attend

 
 

Ask your friends

Your friends can help narrow down your options.  You trust their judgment in other areas, see what they think about church.  Be careful to spell out what you want though – the church with the most singles may not be the best fit for your needs and interests.  Remember that just because someone is attending your church, it doesn't mean they have Christian or even traditional values - they may be there because they want to meet some "hot singles", and their apparent faith may just be an act.  
  Many churches have websites that tell you a lot about them, from directions to meeting times.  As many of you know, however, a great website doesn’t always mean a great church.  If a website looks good, call for more information.  Are you treated well on the phone?  Do they sound as if you are the first single person they have ever spoken to?

Check the Web

 
 

Call around

Not turning up on your web search doesn’t mean that a church is not right for you – invest a little more energy, look in the yellow pages, check out church listings in your newspaper, and call some churches that might fit you – ask about their programs, find out if they sound right for you.  
  While researching this article, I tried this approach and was pleasantly surprised to discover that not only did several churches tell me about some really interesting programs they offered, other churches were very frank regarding what they didn’t offer as well.  They discussed the fact that they had no real singles program, but offered several suggestions of other churches that they believed might be a better fit.  You have got to respect that sort of attitude!    
  Articles and information appearing in SingleStuff.com simply represent our opinions.  We do not pretend to be counselors, psychologists, attorneys or other professionals, and any advice you read here should be taken from that perspective.  If you need legal, psychological, medical, or other professional services you should contact an appropriate professional.  
 

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About SingleStuff.com

 

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Home, sweet home...  Learn about SingleStuff.com, find out about what we offer DFW Metroplex singles, and see how we are different from dating services....  
  SingleStuff.com helps people get involved in a lot of things, but we are best known for our dinners and similar activities - learn a little more about how they work.

Dinners

 
 

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You already know we don't have a membership fee, and the donations at events are too small to amount to much - this page tells you how we keep the website funded (along with contributions !).  
       
       

Articles

 

Dating Services, Matchmakers, and On-Line Alternatives

We did a little research, and made a few observations.  Our opinions on some of the available ways for singles to meet people in the DFW Metroplex.....  
  We are convinced that there are a lot of really great single people, and meeting them eventually means dating.  The key is to be as safe as possible in the process...  This article takes a look at telephone privacy, e-mail security, and some things to think about when you finally meet "face to face".

Dating Safely

 
 

Intimacy

Intimacy is a lot more than just sex - this article takes a look at the "Leave It To Beaver" television family to examine various forms of intimacy.  
  You should not make a bunch of compromises or changes in order to "catch a mate", that is dishonest to you and them.  On the other hand, if you were to be totally honest, there are some self improvement issues you have been avoiding that would make you happier with yourself - and more attractive to the opposite sex!

It's Broke, So Fix It!!

 
 

Church and Singles

 Exactly how does a single person choose a church - by how large the single's group is?  Will you really meet a "better" person at church?  We have some thoughts you may want to consider....  
  You're through licking you wounds from your last breakup, you date until you meet someone great, you go out a while until you discover they are not for you, you break up, and lick your wounds.  This takes too long, there has got to be a better way!

Date like You Aren't Going to Live forever

 
 

Finding The Perfect Partner, Having It All In Three Easy Steps

Yeah, right!  Have you ever considered that some of the things you are looking for in your "perfect partner" are almost impossible to find in one person - we call them the "incompatibles".  Another thought - while you are running around looking for someone who probably does not exist, you are missing your chance to meet someone who does....  
  Is it possible that there are "professional singles" who are great at being single, but don't have what it takes to develop long term healthy relationships?  Is it possible that they need a constant supply of "fresh meat", naive singles?  Is it possible that some singles groups help make this system function?

Single Groundhogs and Their Predators

 
 

It's A Numbers Game...  But You Can Improve Your Odds

Let's be realistic - finding the right person for a great relationship is a lot like looking for the proverbial "needle in a haystack" - and settling for less doesn't seem to make much sense either!  People with limited options tend to make bad choices, so let's look at some of the ways to improve your odds.  
  You know you've asked yourself that question - so, where are they?  Bear with us as we take a look at some pretty revealing statistics - then we explore what they mean to a single person looking for a relationship.

Where Are All Of The Good Ones?

 
  Articles and information appearing in SingleStuff.com simply represent our opinions.  We do not pretend to be counselors, psychologists, attorneys or other professionals, and any advice you read here should be taken from that perspective.  If you need legal, psychological, medical, or other professional services you should contact an appropriate professional.