SingleStuff.com

A Better Way

For Singles To Meet Each Other
 

 

It's A Numbers Game....

But You Can Improve Your Odds!

 

    If you are just re-entering the dating world, there are plenty of wrong ways to approach it.  Here is one way that just might work for you....  
  Let’s assume you aren’t looking for a one night stand, you want a long term committed relationship.  You want to meet someone special, and when you think “someone special” you are looking for more than just any member of the opposite gender who is still breathing.  People frequently talk about singles being a numbers game for several reasons....    
 

Make better choices

 1)    If you don’t meet a lot of people you will have relatively few options, and folks with limited options seldom make the best decisions.  
  2)    A lot of the most desirable members of both genders are not available - they are married or in some other long term relationship with someone smart enough to hang on to a good deal.  As a result, you will have to sort through your share of professional singles and other undesirables before finding the right person.

Sorting through the confusion....

  
 

Avoiding the hazards...

 3)    The people who are most likely to approach you when you first enter the “singles scene” are professional singles, people more interested in a fresh target than a long term relationship.  It takes time and experience to learn how to sort them out from the legitimate singles.  
  So, numbers are a real issue.  The key is to find ways to improve your odds, in other words, to increase your efficiency.    
 

The biggest problem

is impatience.

 In the rush to meet somebody you go where you expect to find a lot of singles - and what you encounter is the feeding ground of the professional single.  The sharks are schooling around and you are fresh bait.  Not good.  You need to be more selective, looking for groups of people with more in common with yourself than the mere fact they are single.  
  Distance does not help relationships, so start off looking for singles relatively near where you live or would like to live (might as well be optimistic).  Then, if a relationship develops, you won’t find yourself commuting so far.

Nearby

  
 

Bars

 A friend of mine recently complained that for some reason she kept meeting men who were married and/or alcoholics.  It made sense, since her preferred place to meet men was in bars.  Bars can be fun with your friends, but not many fairy tales seem to start there.  
  If gals want to learn to play golf, good for them.  If they start playing golf in order to meet men, shame on them.  Why?  It’s simple - if you don’t enjoy the game, why get involved with someone who not only likes the game, but also likes you (at least partially) because you like the game too?  The same (obviously) applies to the guys as well. 

Similar Interests

  
 

Stop pretending....

 Pretending to be interested in something can really mess you up in the long run.  You have to either keep doing something you don’t like forever or admit you are a liar.  Tough choices.  It makes more sense to do what you like, be open to explore other things, and be honest about your preferences.  Then you will be meeting people who will still be a good fit, long term.  Of course, this should not keep you from exploring new interests, you might just discover that as you are expanding your horizons you are also meeting someone magical...  
  An unfortunate reality about church is that many churches have accidentally done a great job of attracting a lot of professional singles who "talk the talk, but don't walk the walk".  We may hate to admit it, but you have to be just as cautious at church as you do anywhere else - liars go there too, hoping that perhaps the nice folks there will be a little less suspicious - and a little more vulnerable.

What about church?

  
 

Numbers?

Do what counts

 If you are serious about meeting someone for a “happy ever after” life, you will have to use the here and now more efficiently.  Think about it.  It takes a while to meet someone you really want to date.  You go out for several months before you are sure you need to break up.  You lick your wounds for a couple of months.  Now you’re ready to try again, but it’s a year later.  
  You need to do a better job of getting on with your life sooner.  Learn how to identify the people who aren’t likely to fit you, and move on to someone else.  Sure, there’s a chance something might work out with that long shot, but you’re betting against the odds.  Decide what you want in your life, and then go for it.    
 

Delaying the inevitable....

 The (fairy tale) best first date is the one that ends with both of you totally convinced that this is the one, and you immediately start planning your "happy ever after" existence.  The next best first date is probably one where you are both honest enough early enough to be able to tell that you are just wasting each other's time, so you can both get on and meet someone else.  It may sound a little brutal, but neither of you are doing the other person any favors if you prolong a hopeless relationship.   
  Unfortunately, too many "self help" books suggest that you should withhold any information that the other person may not like, waiting until they are entangled before breaking the news....  This is not only dishonest, it is the sort of thing that helps people get into relationships that are not healthy for either party.

Lying doesn't work!

  
 

Be Honest - With Yourself!

 Think about what you really want out of your life, and what sort of partner makes sense for you within that context.  Where would that person be, what do they do, who do they hang out with?  Would you be comfortable being those places, doing those things?  If so, start today.  
  If not, do you have a friend of the opposite gender who might be able to help with a little recruiting in those environments?  After all, some things are a bit gender specific, and besides, your friend can say the nice things about you that would sound a lot like bragging if they came from, well, you!

Enlist Some Help

 
 

Screening Out Disasters

 Unfortunately, most people tend to be less than honest about themselves, having been trained since they were kids to "make a good impression".  I only know of three things that get past the "image" and into the real person.  
  Resisting your impulse to "move quickly" is probably healthy - few things are as telling as time - especially if you are paying attention.  How do they treat others, particularly waiters, children, the elderly, other drivers, people in line....  People who treat others with little respect are not likely to treat you any better later on.  Has your new friend been plagued by mean teachers, bad employers, tough parents, an evil "ex" and generally bad breaks?  Be open to the possibility that they may be making their own "bad luck".

Time Uncovers All

 
 

Groups And Situations

 One of the great things about single's dinners is the fact that everyone tends to interact, asking and answering questions from numerous people with many different perspectives.  Can you imagine how difficult it would be to maintain an "image" under those conditions?  Likewise, "dating" generally involves doing different things together - a great way to learn how your friend behaves outside of their "comfort zone".  
  Meeting their friends is one thing - hanging out with them is an entirely different issue!  Friends have generally been around a while, and the quality of friends a person has can tell you a lot.  Of course, friends like to tell stories too, and nothing (except parents with a baby album!) tells quite as much as an old friend on a roll!

Friends

 
    Quite frankly, you are talking about investing time and emotion - invest it in a great person!  Avoiding "cheap imitations of the real thing" will free you up sooner to find the person that is right for you.  This is important stuff - it's worth doing right.  

 

 

Join Now!

  
 

 

  

If you don't join, you will only get to hear about the things you missed!
 

 

Please Press The "Sign Up" Button In Order For Us To Receive Your Information

  

Contact Us!

mailto:comments@singlestuff.com

Share Your Thoughts And Ideas

 

  It can be tricky, trying to find your way around a website - so we figured that although this is not a very sophisticated approach, it is certainly easy!  This list appears near the bottom of each page, so you can always find what you want...  

About SingleStuff.com
 

Home

 Home, sweet home...  Learn about SingleStuff.com, find out about what we offer DFW Metroplex singles, and see how we are different from dating services....  
  SingleStuff.com helps people get involved in a lot of things, but we are best known for our dinners and similar activities - learn a little more about how they work.

Dinners

  
 

Sponsorships and Advertising

 You already know we don't have a membership fee, and the donations at events are too small to amount to much - this page tells you how we keep the website funded (along with contributions !).  
       
       

Articles
 

Dating Services, Matchmakers, and On-Line Alternatives

 We did a little research, and made a few observations.  Our opinions on some of the available ways for singles to meet people in the DFW Metroplex.....  
  We are convinced that there are a lot of really great single people, and meeting them eventually means dating.  The key is to be as safe as possible in the process...  This article takes a look at telephone privacy, e-mail security, and some things to think about when you finally meet "face to face".

Dating Safely

  
 

Intimacy

 Intimacy is a lot more than just sex - this article takes a look at the "Leave It To Beaver" television family to examine various forms of intimacy.  
  You should not make a bunch of compromises or changes in order to "catch a mate", that is dishonest to you and them.  On the other hand, if you were to be totally honest, there are some self improvement issues you have been avoiding that would make you happier with yourself - and more attractive to the opposite sex!

It's Broke, So Fix It!!

  
 

Church and Singles

  Exactly how does a single person choose a church - by how large the single's group is?  Will you really meet a "better" person at church?  We have some thoughts you may want to consider....  
  You're through licking you wounds from your last breakup, you date until you meet someone great, you go out a while until you discover they are not for you, you break up, and lick your wounds.  This takes too long, there has got to be a better way!

Date like You Aren't Going to Live forever

  
 

Finding The Perfect Partner, Having It All In Three Easy Steps

 Yeah, right!  Have you ever considered that some of the things you are looking for in your "perfect partner" are almost impossible to find in one person - we call them the "incompatibles".  Another thought - while you are running around looking for someone who probably does not exist, you are missing your chance to meet someone who does....  
  Is it possible that there are "professional singles" who are great at being single, but don't have what it takes to develop long term healthy relationships?  Is it possible that they need a constant supply of "fresh meat", naive singles?  Is it possible that some singles groups help make this system function?

Single Groundhogs and Their Predators

  
 

It's A Numbers Game...  But You Can Improve Your Odds

 Let's be realistic - finding the right person for a great relationship is a lot like looking for the proverbial "needle in a haystack" - and settling for less doesn't seem to make much sense either!  People with limited options tend to make bad choices, so let's look at some of the ways to improve your odds.  
  You know you've asked yourself that question - so, where are they?  Bear with us as we take a look at some pretty revealing statistics - then we explore what they mean to a single person looking for a relationship.

Where Are All Of The Good Ones?

  
  Articles and information appearing in SingleStuff.com simply represent our opinions.  We do not pretend to be counselors, psychologists, attorneys or other professionals, and any advice you read here should be taken from that perspective.  If you need legal, psychological, medical, or other professional services you should contact an appropriate professional.