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Single Groundhogs

and

Their Predators

	Me? A Groundhog???	You know about Groundhogs’ Day – if the groundhog comes out of his hole in the ground and sees his shadow, there will be six more weeks of winter (or some such foolishness!). More than a few singles have a lot in common with the groundhog.
	They have been dating (or married to) someone for a while, break up, lick their wounds for a while, and then finally climb out of the hole they’ve been hiding in to “try it again”. This is where it really gets groundhogish. If their first couple of attempts don’t work, they go back in their hole for another six months (or some for six years).
	Blockbuster videos and cookie dough ice cream	The hole is nice and safe, stocked with Blockbuster videos, cookie dough ice cream, an occasional bottle of wine (hopefully not served with the cookie dough ice cream), and friends in the same position. A well stocked hole, but a hole none the less!
	Think about it, this person has been “out of the game” for a while, so they are the “fresh meat” that the worst of the singles population is waiting to prey upon. They can’t tell the predators from the really decent folks that they are hoping to meet, and after encountering several predators in a row, they (understandably) assume that the entire singles world is made up of predators and weirdoes. They aren’t correct, but it is easy to see how they came to that conclusion.		Why does it happen?
	Predators and Weirdoes	Let’s face it, there are a lot of predators and weirdoes out there, and they do seem to be more aggressive than the nice folks. Since they are more aggressive, they are the ones most easily met by the “fresh meat” groundhog. They also appear to have the most to offer - since they are comfortable lying - while the nice folks are burdened with the inconvenience of telling the truth.
	Let’s face it, a lie can be tailored to fit whatever you seem to want, and since the truth is never so versatile, anyone telling the truth probably can’t possibly come across as well, at least in the beginning. Additionally (and unfortunately), our groundhog may have such unrealistic expectations that only a lie could possibly appear to measure up – a self defeating scenario.		Thinking about lying.... and liars
	Some Ideas That "Make Sense"	1) Realize that you learned how to date when you were in high school, and the rules have changed tremendously. A lot of “the good ones” are married, so the odds are not the same as they were when you were in school.
	2) Because the odds are different, you need to approach meeting and dating differently now. You need to consider internet matchmakers, networking with friends, dinner groups, and singles events that may seem a little awkward at first. The fact is, the person you are dreaming of meeting can’t find you in that nice safe hole where you have been hiding. You can’t win if you don’t take any chances.		Things have changed...
	Meeting good people and avoiding predators	3) You don’t have to give up meeting new people in order to avoid the predators. Recognize that they exist and talk about them with your friends (of both genders). Be rational – who is most likely to seem perfect, a real person or a liar? Who is going to be the first to approach you, a well practiced predator or another real (like yourself) person? Just understanding that predators exist gives you the upper hand since they count on not being recognized!
	4) You will never get where you want to go if you are hiding in a hole. Get out and learn how to avoid the predators while finding the right (probably not perfect) person.
	A little about "professional singles"...	While professional singles may go through the motions of wanting a committed, long term relationship, they actually want somebody new - forever. Sure, a professional single occasionally gets tired (or falls into a deal that is simply too good to pass up) and settles down, but this is the exception rather than the rule.
	Now, here’s the rub. You have caught yourself wondering if maybe you have become one of those nasty professional singles. Why? Well, you just met someone really neat, and this person has the potential to be Mr./Ms. Right. So far, so good. The problem is, you find yourself wanting to “hedge your bets”, keep going to the dances, happy hours, and other singles functions in which you have finally become comfortable.		Are you a "professional single"?
		You also notice you are still keeping an eye out for other potential partners - not as aggressively as before, but you are still "in the game". So, you have what could be a really neat partner, and you still want to keep doing singles things and maybe meeting new people - doesn’t that qualify you for the professional singles award?
	Probably not. Unlike the professional single, you really are trying to find a long term partner. What has you confused is your hesitancy in giving up your singles connections now that you have met someone. What’s going on here?
	"In the groove..." "out of the loop"	Whether you noticed it or not, getting into “the groove” of meeting new people and having single friends to do things with took some time and effort. You don’t want to jump “out of the loop” because you met someone, only to later be forced to rebuild when things don’t work out.
	Let’s be honest, most relationships don’t develop into anything that will last forever. Bearing that in mind, if you really want to meet special someone, it doesn’t make much sense to give up your single life until the new relationship has withstood the test of at least a little time. As the new relationship proves its durability and staying power, you can feel more comfortable withdrawing from your singles security blanket. So, you’re probably not a professional single, you’re simply cautious about giving up something that took too long to build.		The odds are not in favor of forever...
	Articles and information appearing in SingleStuff.com simply represent our opinions. We do not pretend to be counselors, psychologists, attorneys or other professionals, and any advice you read here should be taken from that perspective. If you need legal, psychological, medical, or other professional services you should contact an appropriate professional.

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Articles
	Dating Services, Matchmakers, and On-Line Alternatives	We did a little research, and made a few observations. Our opinions on some of the available ways for singles to meet people in the DFW Metroplex.....
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	You should not make a bunch of compromises or changes in order to "catch a mate", that is dishonest to you and them. On the other hand, if you were to be totally honest, there are some self improvement issues you have been avoiding that would make you happier with yourself - and more attractive to the opposite sex!		It's Broke, So Fix It!!
	Church and Singles	Exactly how does a single person choose a church - by how large the single's group is? Will you really meet a "better" person at church? We have some thoughts you may want to consider....
	You're through licking you wounds from your last breakup, you date until you meet someone great, you go out a while until you discover they are not for you, you break up, and lick your wounds. This takes too long, there has got to be a better way!		Date like You Aren't Going to Live forever
	Finding The Perfect Partner, Having It All In Three Easy Steps	Yeah, right! Have you ever considered that some of the things you are looking for in your "perfect partner" are almost impossible to find in one person - we call them the "incompatibles". Another thought - while you are running around looking for someone who probably does not exist, you are missing your chance to meet someone who does....
	Is it possible that there are "professional singles" who are great at being single, but don't have what it takes to develop long term healthy relationships? Is it possible that they need a constant supply of "fresh meat", naive singles? Is it possible that some singles groups help make this system function?		Single Groundhogs and Their Predators
	It's A Numbers Game... But You Can Improve Your Odds	Let's be realistic - finding the right person for a great relationship is a lot like looking for the proverbial "needle in a haystack" - and settling for less doesn't seem to make much sense either! People with limited options tend to make bad choices, so let's look at some of the ways to improve your odds.
	You know you've asked yourself that question - so, where are they? Bear with us as we take a look at some pretty revealing statistics - then we explore what they mean to a single person looking for a relationship.		Where Are All Of The Good Ones?
	Articles and information appearing in SingleStuff.com simply represent our opinions. We do not pretend to be counselors, psychologists, attorneys or other professionals, and any advice you read here should be taken from that perspective. If you need legal, psychological, medical, or other professional services you should contact an appropriate professional.