SingleStuff.com

A Better Way

For Singles To Meet Each Other
 

 

Dating Services

Matchmakers

and

On-Line Alternatives

 

 

Disclaimer

 (The following report is the opinion of the author - your personal experiences may differ.  A lot of money can be made by companies providing a way for singles to meet each other, and some of these comments will no doubt offend some of those companies.  Again, these are the author's opinions, and readers are encouraged to use this information as a basis for asking more informed questions prior to investing in any such service.)  
 

So, you want to meet someone.....

As I researched some  alternatives for "meeting folks" for this article, you cannot imagine the number of times I heard that opening line!  Always delivered in a mixed message sort of way, somewhere between "I know how you feel...." and "Without my help you are toast!".

So, you want to meet someone.....

  
    I had intended to provide a detailed report on each of the major companies providing "match making" services, but decided not to after seeing how many were just plain bad!  Some were ineffective, others were overpriced, and some were absolutely predatory....but the good news is that there are some affordable and useful options  
  The "Dating Service" is the first alternative that pops into most folks minds when this topic comes up.  Originally they were services with big books filled with pictures and bios of the opposite gender - you looked through the books, picked out the ones you were interested in contacting, and proceeded to meet your partner for life....almost.

Dating Services

  
    To their credit, many services have changed some with the times - first, the books gave way to videos, and now most offer computerized searches.  Unfortunately, I found that the "style" of the business was much too similar as I checked out various services....  
  The "counselor" I met with first helped me come to the conclusion that without some help, my chances of meeting anyone was pretty low.  Next, I was assured that with the help of the service I would do just fine.  Finally, write a large check and they would let me begin the experience...    
    Apparently this approach is frequently successful, because they all seemed shocked that I would actually ask any serious questions.  Here are some things I discovered...  
  Secrecy regarding fees has been the norm for dating services.  As we see it, if the fees were reasonable, they would want you to know in advance....why keep a good thing a secret!  Plus, they generally want a good chunk of cash up front - why?  If you are going to be happy with the service, why force you to commit to pay in advance?  Happy people would gladly pay as long as they remained happy!!

No advance warning on fees

  
 

Let's make a deal...

 After convincing me I could not make it in the dating world without their help, they told me the price of the long term contract.  It was a bunch!  The short term contracts were less expensive, but who wants to rush romance?  I played it straight, and just told the counselor that if I spent that much more money per  month on clothes and spoiling the people I was already meeting....  She came back with a better offer.  Again I hesitated, and she offered the super deal....it seems they happened to need more people with my profile...it still cost a lot more than it was worth to me - but it sure made the rest of my weekend look like a bargain!  
  Just a touch of reality here - they show you a "sample" of their members - really good looking folks!  What a deal, you figure.  First, that is not likely to be a random sample, most likely the sample will all look more like Barbie and Ken than your average date.  Second, in your mind, pop your picture and bio in that stack and ask why someone would join the service to pick you over them...discouraging, but the simple facts are that the same faces getting all of the attention at that single's bar will probably get the same (wanted and unwanted) attention at the dating service...

Who gets the call... 

  
 

Matchmakers

 As your matchmaker will be quick to tell you, she (all but one I met were women) is much different from a dating service.  Dating services let the members pick who to contact, and that prevents some good people from getting noticed, and permits some good looking/good sounding people to prey on vulnerable folks without getting "caught".  Matchmakers (in theory) get to know their members, and by listening to your comments regarding the people you meet, they can get a better feel for the right person for you to meet.  
  "Fees in advance" has a double meaning...  First, unlike many dating services, most matchmakers were willing to discuss their fees on the phone, and some even included their fees in their advertising, a good thing any way you look at it.  Anyone who is evasive regarding fees probably has a good reason to be secretive - we recommend that you not even waste your time.

Fees in advance

  
    The second meaning of "fees in advance" is that most matchmakers wanted to be paid for at least several months in advance.  This is not a good sign - if they are going to offer me a reasonable service, of course I will want to keep paying....  On the other hand, if the plan is to introduce me to a couple of reasonably neat folks and then send me on numerous bad dates, well, I don't need their help for that!  
  "How many currently active members do you have?" is a simple enough question, but not one likely to be answered with accuracy...  No one wants to sign on with a matchmaker who has only a few "prospects" to choose from, so (according to an "inside" source) there tends to be a general trend to exaggerate the size of the pool you will be swimming in.  So?  Well, if your matchmaker has few people to match you with, what are the chances you will meet someone that really meets your needs?

How many members?

  
 

You are unrealistic

 I quickly discovered that an important part of the matchmaker's role was to reset my expectations to something closer to the folks she had as members.  That would have made plenty of sense, but I was meeting (on my own) folks who better fit the description of who I wanted - for free, without any professional help!  I decided I was not unrealistic, she was simply dealing from a very limited pool...  
  OK, let's face it - what happens when the matchmaker accepts someone whose cash looks better than their picture?  They have to introduce them to someone - occasionally it is your turn....  Again, I can meet people I don't want to meet without any help!

Mercy dates

  
 

Shy

 Alright, now this is one area where a good matchmaker can really be helpful.  Let's say that there is this really neat person, but he/she is too shy to go out on their own, and too shy to get noticed even if they did.  The matchmaker can help a lot by making the shy one confident that much of the risk of meeting someone new has been reduced by virtue of the matchmaker's screening process.  In fact, this is probably true - some of the best potential partners are still out there, single, because they are to shy to meet someone, so the matchmaker can add real value in those situations.  
  You heard about it on the radio or saw them in a newspaper.  Meet the right person with a personal ad.  You can frequently place the ad for little or no cost, so why not give it a shot?  Well, there may be several reasons to look for another option.....

Personal Ads

  
 

Snail mail and telephones..

 The key to the success of the personal add is that it helps folks meet people they would not be likely to encounter otherwise - a  good thing.  The problem is that you are reading this article on the web, so you have access to on-line services which offer a faster and easier way to accomplish the same basic objective!  
  Another problem is the profit model.  They service provider has to make a living somehow, and they really only have two options....

Pay for the call...

  
    1) charge you to forward your letters when you respond to an ad, or...  
  2) charge you for the telephone time you spend checking your responses or "shopping" for the right person.  In the first case (letters), having them re-mail your letters slows down an already slow (they call it snail mail for a reason!) process.  In the second case, those phone charges can get pretty high, pretty fast!  Besides, can you imagine a more cumbersome process?  This is a dinosaur waiting to become oil.    
 

On-Line Matching

Here's the deal - after trying all of the options out, nothing compared to the opportunities available on-line.  On-line matching is fast and convenient.  It is also (generally) affordable.  It is accessible for shy folks, and has the added advantage of permitting you to actually get credit for your brains as well as your looks, since what you write is likely to actually get read...   
  That's the good news.  The bad news is that you have so many to choose from, and some offer much more than the others.

What to look for...

 
 

Local popularity

 Different on-line services are strong in different parts of the country - naturally, unless you like commuting or are planning on moving soon, you want one that has plenty of members where you live.  
  At the risk of making a broad generalization, the free services generally failed to measure up.  Some were characterized by too many "peculiar" people, others lacked the tools that facilitated finding the right person out of the many available.  In short, it seemed like a small monthly fee provided you with a much more efficient system and a (generally) better chance of connecting with the person you are looking for.

Free or Fee?

  
 

Sorting tools

 You want to be able to sort which "profiles" you read - if the individual lives too far away, hates things you love, and has not been on the site for a month, why should you bother reading about them and perhaps writing them?  Good tools help you sort your best prospects from those that are not interesting to you.  
  You are going to read through a bunch of "profiles" describing numerous people - the first visit is an almost overwhelming process - so do you want to do it all again next time?  Heck no!  That's why you want the ability to note which folks (out of those already meeting your sorting parameters) failed to impress you after you read about them individually.  In short, you need to be able to make notes, attach a flag, or somehow designate which folks are interesting and which are not.  Since you will probably also write several people, it is also important to note which folks you have corresponded with so you don't accidentally contact them again...

Making notes

  
 

Our Recommendation

 At this moment, the best known services in the DFW area appear to be www.match.com and  www.matchmaker.com  - they have reasonable prices, great tools, and a helpful support desk.  Are they perfect?  No way!  They are, however, constantly improving their service, and that attitude will probably keep them on top.  Are we paid to recommend them?  No.  We simply decided that they represente a good value.   
  If you decide to try their service, the first thing you should notice is that you get to try it before you buy it!  That was a pleasant and reassuring discovery.  They know you will probably like what you find, so they are not afraid for you to check them out before you spend any money.

How to use

On-line Dating Services

  
    Give good, accurate answers to their questions, it helps people know who you are....and it helps you meet the right person.  Also, you don't have to fill out any essay questions if you don't want to, but those essays are where you get to express who you are, telling much more than you can say by simply "filling in the blanks".   
  If you decide to become a "paying" member, send in a picture - or several!  There are two reasons - you will have many more people look at your profile if it has a picture, and why not let them know what you look like - it isn't like they will never want to know, so why delay the inevitable!    
    Experiment with their "Search" tools.  Select only the characteristics that are important to you, and remember to fill it out as if you were the person you are looking for...  Anything you do not specify will not become a search criteria - in other words, if you leave "hair color" blank, you are telling the system that you do not care about hair color.  On the other hand, if you check off blond and redhead, you will not be matched with any brunettes.  
  Don't expect to continue getting the same amount of email forever - you will get a lot of attention when you first sign up (new folks have the most "potential") and right after your picture first posts.  After that, you may hear from the new folks, but the long term members have either already written you or decided not to...

Fresh Meat

  
    Finally, make extensive use of their "stickers" or whatever tools they offer to designate the folks you have written, the folks who wrote you, profiles you have reviewed and rejected, and so forth - it can really make your on-line dating efforts much more rewarding (and much less confusing!).  
       
       

 

 

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 Home, sweet home...  Learn about SingleStuff.com, find out about what we offer DFW Metroplex singles, and see how we are different from dating services....  
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Dinners

  
 

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Articles
 

Dating Services, Matchmakers, and On-Line Alternatives

 We did a little research, and made a few observations.  Our opinions on some of the available ways for singles to meet people in the DFW Metroplex.....  
  We are convinced that there are a lot of really great single people, and meeting them eventually means dating.  The key is to be as safe as possible in the process...  This article takes a look at telephone privacy, e-mail security, and some things to think about when you finally meet "face to face".

Dating Safely

  
 

Intimacy

 Intimacy is a lot more than just sex - this article takes a look at the "Leave It To Beaver" television family to examine various forms of intimacy.  
  You should not make a bunch of compromises or changes in order to "catch a mate", that is dishonest to you and them.  On the other hand, if you were to be totally honest, there are some self improvement issues you have been avoiding that would make you happier with yourself - and more attractive to the opposite sex!

It's Broke, So Fix It!!

  
 

Church and Singles

  Exactly how does a single person choose a church - by how large the single's group is?  Will you really meet a "better" person at church?  We have some thoughts you may want to consider....  
  You're through licking you wounds from your last breakup, you date until you meet someone great, you go out a while until you discover they are not for you, you break up, and lick your wounds.  This takes too long, there has got to be a better way!

Date like You Aren't Going to Live forever

  
 

Finding The Perfect Partner, Having It All In Three Easy Steps

 Yeah, right!  Have you ever considered that some of the things you are looking for in your "perfect partner" are almost impossible to find in one person - we call them the "incompatibles".  Another thought - while you are running around looking for someone who probably does not exist, you are missing your chance to meet someone who does....  
  Is it possible that there are "professional singles" who are great at being single, but don't have what it takes to develop long term healthy relationships?  Is it possible that they need a constant supply of "fresh meat", naive singles?  Is it possible that some singles groups help make this system function?

Single Groundhogs and Their Predators

  
 

It's A Numbers Game...  But You Can Improve Your Odds

 Let's be realistic - finding the right person for a great relationship is a lot like looking for the proverbial "needle in a haystack" - and settling for less doesn't seem to make much sense either!  People with limited options tend to make bad choices, so let's look at some of the ways to improve your odds.  
  You know you've asked yourself that question - so, where are they?  Bear with us as we take a look at some pretty revealing statistics - then we explore what they mean to a single person looking for a relationship.

Where Are All Of The Good Ones?

  
  Articles and information appearing in SingleStuff.com simply represent our opinions.  We do not pretend to be counselors, psychologists, attorneys or other professionals, and any advice you read here should be taken from that perspective.  If you need legal, psychological, medical, or other professional services you should contact an appropriate professional.