A Better Way

For Singles To Meet Each Other



Where Are All Of

The Good Ones?


    We have all heard that about 50% of all marriages end in divorce.  We have also wondered why it is so hard to find the right partner.  It seems that these two “facts” may have something in common  
  A section in the Ft Worth Star Telegram (Numbers, by John D. McGervey, Ph.D. and Bill Sones) contained an interesting discussion of divorce statistics.  Let’s assume that 80% of the people in the world are good marriage material, they have the “stuff” to make it work.  We’ll call them the G’s (the big “G” stands for goodness!)  Let’s also assume that the remaining 20% are exactly wrong for marriage, and we’ll call them S’s (the big S stands for slime).




     If we take a group of 200 people and randomly form 100 couples, 64 of the marriages will be between two G’s.  You could assume that most of these good folks will stay together.   
  In our imaginary world of statistic, 32 of the marriages would be between a G and an S.  The G’s will try to make it work, but the S’s will make it impossible, and these marriages will eventually fail.     

36% Divorced

The remaining four couples are made up of two S’s, and have no chance of success, but 100% probability of some great “ex” stories!  The overall divorce rate for this first round of marriage is a pretty encouraging 36%.  
  The bad news is that the next round of marriages have relatively fewer (32) G’s to go around and more (40) S’s, so the odds are not so good.  This time the resulting 36 couples have an 80% divorce rate because only 7 of these marriages have two G’s and the others are made of one or more S’s.  The overall divorce rate works out to about 50% between the two rounds.

Lousy odds....,.

    We all know that the real world doesn’t work as neatly as these statistics, but we also know that the statistics illustrate a reality of dating after age 25 … A lot of the best choices are taken!  
  So, what can you do about it?  First, you need to get some sort of advantage, or you are going to be a part of those dismal “round two” statistics.  The first thing that you need to do is learn how to spot an S, and then run like Hell! 

Run from "S"


S looks better than G

The fact is, many of us carelessly miss some G’s because we let the S’s style fool us.  You know the old expression, if it seems too good to be true, it probably isn’t true?!  In virtually every case, the lies of an S will sound better than the truth of a G, making it too easy to pick the wrong one.  
  The easiest way to tell an S from a G is to talk to someone who knows the person and can give you an accurate evaluation.  Someone with a history of treating others badly isn’t likely to make you the exception.  If you have friends in common, this can be easy.  If you don’t, you need to pay attention to the signs that separate legitimate dating candidates from "Professional Singles" …..

Telling them apart....


“Professional Singles”

Let’s talk about the “professional singles” (as opposed to single professionals).  These folks are at virtually every singles event, and they have, in a way, mastered being single.  They are members of singles clubs and never miss a happy hour.   
  The funny thing is, most of these professional singles seldom date each other - they attend the events waiting for the “fresh meat”, the newly single.  Many of the professional singles don’t have what it takes to have a healthy and committed long term relationship, but they are perfect for a short and unhealthy one.

"Fresh Meat"

    The hunters and the hunted.  The odds are against the newly single, especially if they are under the impression that these other people are just like them … unfortunately there is a very good chance that our newly single person will meet up with a professional single who will introduce them to “new depths of shallowness”.   
  The all too common (and unfortunate) result of this encounter is that the new single gives up on meeting someone (If that’s all that’s out there, why bother!?!) and stays home - forever!  The best way to prevent this is to help the new single anticipate the professional single and focus on finding other healthy people.     

"Professional singles"...

...."repeat customers"

Unfortunately, most singles groups (I hope unwittingly) seem to "cater" to the professional singles - this makes sense, because the professional singles are great "repeat customers", and they are often good looking and charming - they just are not going to be part of anyone's healthy relationship!  If you want to be cynical, you might even believe that most single's events are simply bait to attract the "fresh meat" (that's you!) for the benefit of the professional single, their "repeat customer".  
  Think about the odds.  When two healthy and committed people get together, they will probably stay together.  Now, they’re out of the dating pool.  When someone who is healthy and committed tries to make it work with a professional single, the relationship is not destined for greatness.  When it breaks up, the committed person is injured and the other one is ready to meet someone new … one “walking wounded” and one  “professional single” ready to move on to the next batch of "fresh meat".    
    Dating is a lot more than statistics and professional singles, but you need to be aware of the very real risks out there!  There are a lot of really fabulous people, waiting to meet someone equally fabulous - but unrealistic or uninformed singles are not as likely to meet them - the professional singles are more aggressive, skilled, and have better "routines".  
  Give yourself and another great person a decent chance - get to know someone who is willing to tell you the truth - because they have a true story they can be proud of.  Then stick around.  If great people take the time to meet other great people we may just find those statistics getting a little less discouraging.    



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Dating Services, Matchmakers, and On-Line Alternatives

We did a little research, and made a few observations.  Our opinions on some of the available ways for singles to meet people in the DFW Metroplex.....  
  We are convinced that there are a lot of really great single people, and meeting them eventually means dating.  The key is to be as safe as possible in the process...  This article takes a look at telephone privacy, e-mail security, and some things to think about when you finally meet "face to face".

Dating Safely



Intimacy is a lot more than just sex - this article takes a look at the "Leave It To Beaver" television family to examine various forms of intimacy.  
  You should not make a bunch of compromises or changes in order to "catch a mate", that is dishonest to you and them.  On the other hand, if you were to be totally honest, there are some self improvement issues you have been avoiding that would make you happier with yourself - and more attractive to the opposite sex!

It's Broke, So Fix It!!


Church and Singles

 Exactly how does a single person choose a church - by how large the single's group is?  Will you really meet a "better" person at church?  We have some thoughts you may want to consider....  
  You're through licking you wounds from your last breakup, you date until you meet someone great, you go out a while until you discover they are not for you, you break up, and lick your wounds.  This takes too long, there has got to be a better way!

Date like You Aren't Going to Live forever


Finding The Perfect Partner, Having It All In Three Easy Steps

Yeah, right!  Have you ever considered that some of the things you are looking for in your "perfect partner" are almost impossible to find in one person - we call them the "incompatibles".  Another thought - while you are running around looking for someone who probably does not exist, you are missing your chance to meet someone who does....  
  Is it possible that there are "professional singles" who are great at being single, but don't have what it takes to develop long term healthy relationships?  Is it possible that they need a constant supply of "fresh meat", naive singles?  Is it possible that some singles groups help make this system function?

Single Groundhogs and Their Predators


It's A Numbers Game...  But You Can Improve Your Odds

Let's be realistic - finding the right person for a great relationship is a lot like looking for the proverbial "needle in a haystack" - and settling for less doesn't seem to make much sense either!  People with limited options tend to make bad choices, so let's look at some of the ways to improve your odds.  
  You know you've asked yourself that question - so, where are they?  Bear with us as we take a look at some pretty revealing statistics - then we explore what they mean to a single person looking for a relationship.

Where Are All Of The Good Ones?

  Articles and information appearing in simply represent our opinions.  We do not pretend to be counselors, psychologists, attorneys or other professionals, and any advice you read here should be taken from that perspective.  If you need legal, psychological, medical, or other professional services you should contact an appropriate professional.